Something happens to you when you have a baby, and you know with certainty that it’s your last.
Something inside you changes, and a door closes. This door that’s been open for as long as you can remember, is closed.
I was the girl who was dreaming about marriage and babies when I was 10. I was planning my wedding about 15 years before I met my groom. Yup – that was me. I was born with baby fever, and it followed me through me entire life. I had my first baby at 26, and my last one at 34.
I am blessed beyond measure with three healthy, wonderful children. They are all I need in the world, but sometimes I look at how quickly they’re growing, and it hurts.
Today my little girl is three.
The baby years are done. MY baby years are done. And that’s okay, it’s what I want, but it’s a little difficult to accept. For as long as I can almost remember, my purpose in life has been to be pregnant, deliver, and care for tiny babies. It was hard, and it was draining, but it was everything.
It was my life.
Don’t get me wrong, my kids are still my world! But they don’t need me quite as much anymore. They can eat their own food, put on their own shoes and entertain themselves. It’s a GREAT thing, but it’s tough. I find myself feeling a little displaced, a little lost. It’s a strange new world that I’m in, and I’m getting used to it.
I’m thinking a little more about myself now, which feels bizarre but it’s kind of awesome too. LOL. I’ve been working out (I’m down 24 pounds – update on that is coming soon!) and spending some time on projects around the house. It’s kind of nice to be able to focus more on me, after spending 11 years doing nothing but taking care of everyone else. I know that my job as a mom is far from done – and that it will in fact NEVER be done (thank goodness!) – but it’s changing. It’s evolving. So am I.
So are they.
A year from now, I will be preparing Ella for kindergarten. The years are passing me by, and all I know is how much I love my children. It’s truly the only thing in the entire world that I know for sure.
No matter how many years pass, or how obsolete my job becomes, I will love these kids.
They can grow and change and even leave me, but I will never stop being a mom.
Happy birthday, sweet Ella.
I love you forever,