This new year’s eve has me very emotional. I’ve never felt the weight of a year ending so heavily on me before, and I wonder why that is. At this risk of sounding cheesy, this year has been one of great personal discovery and awareness for me. I’ve spent a lot of time thinking about who I have been, who I have become and who I strive to be. I am almost 40 now, which is a very surreal thing to come to terms with. I have a few more years (I will be 38 in April) but that milestone is fast approaching.
I want 40 to be my best birthday yet! I want to be the happiest I’ve ever been and be the absolutely best possible version of myself.
I am working to improve in every area of my life, and 2014 has been very revealing in terms of what needs to be done.
A few years ago, I decided to avoid using the term “resolutions”, and instead chose to make new years “decisions”… conscious choices that will better both me and those in my life. That in itself was pretty revealing for me. If you’d like to read that post you can find it HERE.
As 2014 comes to a close, there are some things I choose to leave behind…
– caring too much what others think of me
– needing others’ approval
– not letting my authentic self shine through for fear of how I will be received
– poor eating and health habits
– harshly judging others
And there is much I hope to gain in the coming year…
– a healthy mind and body
– more patience & tolerance
– acceptance of constructive criticism
– peace in my heart
– an understanding of my own value
Man, I sound like I’m going all “new age”… lol. I’m not – it’s just that you always hear and read about how 40 is supposed to be the BEST age. “I finally know myself!”, “I’m finally comfortable in my body!”… I want that!
I have admittedly always put far too much value on what other people think of me. I have never been a “leader” because of that fact alone. I am not brave, or bold. I am not a trendsetter or trailblazer. I have been brought to tears by a comment on Twitter and when someone on Facebook “unfriends” me I spend weeks trying to figure out what I did wrong.
This is who I am – take me or leave me, people!
I share my opinions, but I don’t force them down anyone’s throats. If I read an article that I find enlightening – even on a controversial topic – I will share it on MY wall, MY twitter, MY blog. I won’t post it on yours, or call you out. I will simply share information that I think is important.
I have opinions on these things, and if you don’t share my opinions I will still be your friend and respect you. All I ask is the same in return. If you cannot be friends with someone because they have a different view on something? Well – that’s your loss, not mine.
It’s taken me almost 40 years to say that I am happy with who I am. I am imperfect and I am flawed, but I am a decent person.
I am not going to spend a minute of 2015 worrying about the people who are judging me. I also won’t be spending a minute judging them.
In my last post, I talked about my quest to get in shape and be healthy. I have now lost 14.5 pounds, and I am feeling PROUD and strong. I am SO HAPPY that I started this back in November – I feel like I have a jump start on the new year, and no “resolutions” to try to meet. I am working – hard – and it’s paying off.
(But I’m still not ready to share my fat pics… hahaha. Nope. Not yet.)
I hope that 2015 brings you clarity. I hope it brings you peace, and happiness. I’m finally beginning to see that these things cannot be found anywhere but inside of us. Take the time to learn who you really are, and what you really need to feel whole and complete.
That’s what this year is going to be about for me.
It’s time for me to pull back, face inward and focus.