There’s an Elephant in the Room…

And it’s me.

Okay well that might be a slight exaggeration, but I’m not feelin’ too groovy about the extra chunk I am presently hauling around.

In March of last year I shared with you the progress of my weight loss journey. I Joined Weight Watchers and I really committed to it. I was attending meetings and tracking my food… at the time of the post I had lost just over 13 pounds, and I went on to lose seven more. I did a really good job and I got within ten pounds of my goal! Hooray, right?

No.

I missed a few days of tracking what I ate, and it threw me off COMPLETELY. How embarassing… it sure doesn’t take much to throw me off track, does it? Ugh. So… over the following months I gained ALL of the weight back.

PLUS. SEVEN. POUNDS.

Jesus.

Cue self-hatred.

Seriously… I’m fat. I don’t want to talk numbers, but it’s true. If – no, WHEN – I nail this weight loss situation, I will share all of the numbers with you. But I just can’t yet. I am SO ashamed and so sad. I feel the looks from people. Not strangers, to them I just look like a frumpy mom, no big deal. But my family and friends see it, I know they do. Combine that with trying to grow out this damn pixie cut and I’m pretty much feeling like the grossest person alive. I hate my clothes, and I hate how they look on me. Summer is torture and I`m always hot because I refuse to wear tank tops or shorts. What is this nightmare I have created for myself?!? I made the mistake of not losing weight after having my second baby before getting pregnant with my third. It was just pounds on top of pounds, and I was an idiot for not realizing where I was going to end up.

Right now, I weigh nine pounds more than when I was eight months pregnant with my first baby. What. the. heck? Just NO.

So, on Saturday morning I got up and walked out the door to hand my life over to Weight Watchers once again. The system works, and I am proof of that. I lost weight and felt wonderful… I just got lazy. So I’m on day three now and so far so good. LOL… (I know, huge achievement!) I’m tracking my intake and also wearing a pedometer to track my steps. I’m walking and even doing SQUATS… I know, total invasion of the body snatchers up in here. But I’m trying, and it’s all I can do.

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Portion control is huge for me, and being a stay at home mom means I’m not following a “normal” schedule like I would be if I were working in an office and taking lunch breaks, etc. I grab food when I can sporadically throughout the day, which isn’t necessarily bad, but what I’m eating is NOT healthy so I’m having to revamp everything that I reach for.

I’ve learned a few helpful tips over time that I find to be useful and they’re super simple, which helps:

– as soon as I get home from grocery shopping, I cut up and prepare any food that requires it. Slicing peppers, cutting up melon and making fruit salads create easy-to-grab snacks which hopefully replace the usual quick snacks of chips, cookies and candy.

– I try to eat often so that I’m never super hungry. When those hunger pains hit, that’s when I crave the bad stuff. No apple is going to suffice when the growling begins, so if I eat healthy snacks throughout the day BEFORE that happens it’s usually easy to stay on track.

– when going to a restaurant, place your order before everyone else. That way, as you hear all the yummy things everyone else is getting you won’t be tempted to do the same when your turn comes around.

– when going to a restaurant you’re unfamiliar with, check the menu online, decide what you will order before you go, and don’t even LOOK at the menu once you’re there. It’s easy to tell yourself you’ll get something healthy, but when you’re hungry and those pictures on the menu get you drooling you will be surprise how quick that will power evaporates!

– I also keep snacks with me wherever I go. I have little WW treats that I buy but even just a banana or a little ziplock bag of healthy crackers is usually enough to tide me over until I can get home, and it helps me avoid stopping for a burger or ice cream while I’m out.

Nothing groundbreaking here, but just little things I’ve found to be helpful over time.

: )
I’m 37 years old now, and I really REALLY want to be feeling better about myself when I turn 40. It’s a random number, I know.. but I’ve always seen it as “the next phase” of my life and I want to approach it with fervor, not fear. My kids will all be in school full time, I will have a chance to get that part of myself back that I’ve given up for over a decade now, and I really am determined to be FORTY & FABULOUS! haha… no really. I am.

So I will go for my first weigh in this coming Saturday, and no matter what happens I will not be deterred. This stuff is important – I am important! – and I want to be healthy. For my kids, for my marriage, and for myself. I want to set an example for my daughters especially about being active and eating well. I always tell Taya that it’s not about being skinny, it’s about being healthy.

It’s time to practice what I preach.
Wish me luck!
xoMB

PS – If you’d like to follow along while I sort out this madness, please follow me on Facebook. I also have a really delicious Weight Watchers board that I’ve created on Pinterest – check it out HERE!

Comments

  1. Carrie says

    I’m a newer reader here, but this post made me tear up. I have felt (and do feel) everything you expressed. I had my 2nd (and last) child last Oct and it’s been really difficult to lose the weight/regain me/fix my ruined ab muscles/deal with aging. Worst of all, it’s been hell on my self image and mental health. This spring I’ve started running and incorporating some other exercise where I can. I eat better, but not always. It is so, so hard, esp with little ones to care for all the time. I too want to show my daughters how to be strong, fit, and healthy, and that’s why I’ve made some goals for myself for this summer too. I say huge kudos to you for wanting to live more healthfully. Every little bit counts and is a step in the right direction, so don’t scoff at your 3 days of tracking what you eat. That’s an accomplishment! Make small, realistic goals for yourself, and applaud yourself when you achieve them.

    • says

      Aw Carrie thank you… I’m sorry it touched a nerve but happy that you were able to relate. It’s SO tough, you’re right. My biggest fear is that I just lose and gain and lose and gain forever. I really want to be better!

  2. says

    You’re gonna do awesome! I’m not sure what your restaurant portions are like in Canada, but in the US they’re HUGE, so I usually get a to-go box at the beginning of my meal and pack half away for later so that I’m not tempted to pick just because it’s there.

    • says

      Thanks Christina! Our portions aren’t too horrifying but definitely more than anyone needs in one sitting so that’s a great idea.
      : )

  3. Marie-Claire says

    I’m going to do it with you.. It’s always easier when you have someone else to motivate you or just to vent with :)

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