I think that our non-existent sleep the other night has set me back a little. I was doing pretty well, but last night I really dipped. I was rocking the baby to sleep, feeling tired but content. I looked at the time and thought to myself, “Well, today is pretty much done… whew!”
And then I was struck by the realization that I just had to do it all over again today. And the next day, and the day after that.
I wouldn’t trade staying at home for the world. Any time I get frustrated or complain my husband suggests that I go back to work, but in reality there’s nothing I’d rather do. However, it’s pretty monotonous being at home. I book as many play dates as possible. I try to keep in touch with any other friends of mine that have kids and most days we do get out and find something to do, but it’s not easy. We are also on a serious budget which makes it tough. When I had my oldest daughter eight years ago I pretty much went shopping any time I wanted to get out. It was very different! I had no mortgage, no other kids to feed and clothe… so we would stroll around the mall for hours, it was pretty nice.
But when your funds are limited, so are your options. Everything costs money, and it’s a constant struggle to find things to do. Not to mention that with kids aged eight, two and five months it’s pretty much impossible to please everyone.
Feeling housebound cannot be helping my PPD.
I have to be careful not to wish it all away, though. I often find myself thinking about how in a few more years it will be easier. No more naps, no more diapers.. the kids will be more portable and durable. We will be able to go out for dinner as a family or away for a weekend. I look forward to those days, absolutely, but baby El is my last one and I’m so conflicted. One minute I’m thinking I can’t wait until she’s older and we are finally out of this baby stage, and the next I’m in tears.. smelling her and kissing her tiny fingers and toes, my heart completely breaking at the thought of never experiencing this again. Motherhood is such a wild range of emotions, isn’t it?
If anyone has any great ideas of things to do with the kids on the cheap, please let me know.. I’m always searching!
In the meantime, I have some very important business to attend to… it’s story time!