Many years ago I remember someone telling me a silly little story about how his wife had left a cupboard door open in the kitchen while she was making something. He came in, got what he needed, and left – leaving the door as it was. She turned around, banged her head on it, and then got angry at him because he saw it open and didn’t close it.
I remember thinking, “Married people are weird”.
Then today I came home from running some errands and as I made my way to the mudroom door I noticed that my son Cal’s electric Diego car was sitting out in the backyard. It has been raining solidly for two days – not good. I mentioned this to my husband when I got into the house.
“Has Cal’s car been outside in the rain since you had him on it two days ago? Is it going to be okay?”
His response was to chastise me for not bringing it inside.
Married people are weird.
I read about a marriage challenge a while ago and it was a month long quest to better your relationship. One of the daily challenges was to not criticize your partner for one full day. First of all, I find it hilarious that this had to be included in the challenge at all. How sad are we married folks that we have to be CHALLENEGED to go a full 24 hours without berating our other half? And secondly, who the hell can manage that?!? LOL.. Have you, as a married person, ever taken note of how many times in the span of a SINGLE DAY you criticize, correct, undermine or dismiss your partner’s thoughts, actions or ideas? It’s ridiculous!
My go-to line when my eight year old is giving me major attitude is, “Would you EVER speak to your teacher this way? Or a server at a restaurant? Or your soccer coach? No? Then why on earth would you speak to your mother so rudely?”
Hmm. Let’s connect the dots here… If my boss (when I had one), or my clients (when I had them), or my neighbour or any other number of people were speaking to me, I would never respond the way that I do half the time when it’s my own husband. How did that happen? Yes it’s a sign that we feel safe and comfortable and secure enough with each other to let the less desirable parts of ourselves creep through, but does that make it any more acceptable? I don’t think so.
I think that we typically treat the people that we love the most, the worst! That’s messed up. So once again I will try to catch myself when I open my mouth to say something that has zero positive value. After all, it’s utterly ridiculous that my husband tried to blame me for leaving the Diego car outside.
We both know nothing is ever my fault.